When A Loved One Suffers

As living beings, we all experience pain and suffering. It hurts. It's uncomfortable. Naturally we all shy away from it and wish that it would disappear! Not only is it inescapable, but there seem to be countless ways that we may suffer. Mental illness, physical illness, and grief are just a few that many of us experience on a daily basis. With our own pain we can sometimes learn  to endure it and to have patience with it.  We may even tell ourselves to "toughen up." We know what we can handle, we know our limits, and how close we may be feeling to getting to those limits.  But what about when a loved one suffers?

This is a question I've been stewing over for a little while now, and I still don't have all the answers to. But I have learned a few things.

I don't know how many times I have turned to Taylor and told him through tears that I wish there was more I could do to ease his physical pain.

On top of having Fibromyalgia, he deals with horrible abdominal pain that up to this point has an unknown cause.  It's debilitating, frustrating and exhausting for him. As time goes on though, he pushes through, and is patient through his suffering. I, on the other hand, have struggled with watching him suffer. Often I feel useless "standing on the sideline."

How do I help him?

My natural instinct is to wish it away or even to try to pray it away. But my perspective is very limited, and experience has taught me that there is a grander scheme at work.

As part of this mortal experience, we must suffer so that we can be refined. I'm learning that that knowledge is easier for me to digest when I am the one suffering, and not my loved ones. I imagine that it would be easier to step into the refiner's fire myself than willingly watching my husband or children do so. So how am I supposed to feel?

I need to remember that when I suffer, I do not suffer alone, and neither do my loved ones.  In Elder Holland's talk "Like a Broken Vessel" he said, 

"Whatever else you may or may not be able to provide, you can offer your prayers and you can give “love unfeigned.” “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; … [it] beareth all things, … hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth."

Christ suffered and atoned for us so that we do not have to do it alone. In Alma 7:11-12 it reads:

 11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

So what do we do when a loved one suffers?  We love them, we serve them, we understand them. We hold their hands through the worst days, and offer our strength. With the Lord's help we can be strengthened so that we can serve them. And above all, we have faith in the atonement of the Savior, that He can succor our loved ones in their suffering.