It Isn't Easy, But It's Worth It

Last Tuesday's visit to the ER

Have you ever hit a low point in life when you wonder, "what is this all for?" "What is the point of this (often miserable) thing I'm experiencing?" I think I've asked myself that question over and over through the last 6 years. But as time has gone on, that thought has come less. 

Recently I've wondered about why that is. And here is what I've gathered.

In this day and age there is a major push and pressure to achieve the "ideal." It's so easy to believe that life is supposed to look, feel and be a certain way. Social media, as awesome as it is, can be a very harmful tool for someone who is stuck in "comparison mode." The "Jones's" are on every Twitter and Instagram feed, Facebook wall, and plastered throughout Pinterest. Don't get me wrong, I love all of these sites, but for someone who was comparing myself to everyone else's lives, it served up disappointment on a silver platter.

And who wants disappointment?

 After several years of setbacks which included major health complications for Taylor, moving in with family, a halted career and education path (and no idea what future to plan on), along with a miscarriage and uncertainty about the growth of our own little family, we felt like life was kicking us while we were down. Life felt pretty bleak. 

This was a few years ago.

We have had many blessings since then, which include the birth of our little guy Theodore, but much of our situation remains the same. My perspective, however, has changed.

With years, comes wisdom (Thank goodness!). Some of the trials Taylor and I face were once trials that I felt were things that had to go away before I could be truly happy or content. Then they kept coming. And they continue to come.

He is my hero.

I stopped struggling with life like I was: as if we were in a boxing match and I was trying to force it to give me what I wanted. I stopped pleading with God to take these problems away, and in turn began to ask Him what He wanted me to learn from them.

I can't choose what struggles come our way, but I can choose how to face them, and how to perceive them.

If I let my heart be softened by these experiences, then I allow myself to become who God wants me to be. If we put our trust in our Heavenly Father, life goes a lot smoother. I'm learning THAT as well.  If our circumstances can't change, we still have a choice. That choice is between misery and happiness. 

And I really don't want to be miserable.

Now that's not to say that these experiences aren't still gut wrenching and exhausting, and almost unbearably worrisome at times, because they are, but I know that it is for our good. I have my family, I have the knowledge and the JOY that the gospel of Jesus Christ gives, and I have hope in the future. We are still moving forward, even if it's not the way we thought we would.

Thank you Taylor for doing this life with me. It may be hard at times, but it is so worth it.