Worry Bugs
Our seven year old daughter is a lot like me. Not just in looks, but in personality traits. Like me, Mercedes has been prone to a bit of worry. I mean the kind of worry that keeps kids up late into the night, accompanied by many tears and anxieties. We work with her through them, and in summoning great courage, she has made great strides this past year.
During one evening discussion with her and in an effort to help her understand what she was feeling, we named it "Worry Bugs." The worry she was experiencing was not about something literal, but was a feeling that was triggered by an event. There was a pattern to which she began to feel that worry, even once it became detached from a real circumstance. We validated her worry, but then explained to her that there was nothing actually wrong or scary happening. We explained that it was a feeling caused by a chemical that was releasing in her brain, and is something that she can eventually learn to make go away. We told her to work on squishing those worry bugs in her brain!
When I was little I was REALLY prone to worrying. When I was 8 or 9 it peaked and small things would send me through a turbulent tornado of worry and anxiety. Germs were a constant threat. Paranoia about disease made me anxious. I remember one day in particular. I was at my friend's house and while playing I noticed my friend's mom cleaning. She mentioned that she was using Ammonia, and immediately my chest began to constrict. Panic set in and I felt like I needed to go home as soon as possible. I left, hoping I hadn't been exposed to the cleaner long enough to catch Pneumonia. It wasn't until years later that I remembered that experience and realized how unrelated Ammonia and Pneumonia were.
I had a steady habit of abandoning my friends in the middle of the night during sleepovers. Over and over I would attempt to spend the night at a friend's house, only to be kept up with worry hours after they fell asleep. I would call my mom to come pick me up, and my friends would wake in the morning only to find me gone. Thank goodness my awesome best friend Lacey worked with me, and though she only lived directly across the street, she always stayed the night at my house.
Another thing that left me riddled with worry was the feeling of guilt any time I saw or heard something inappropriate, or had a fleeting bad or negative thought. The only way to free myself from the unrelenting and burdensome worry was to unload every single source to my mom, bless her heart. I can remember countless little "sessions" in my mom's room where she took the time to listen while I expressed my worry over a bad word I heard from a song, or a mean feeling I felt about someone. For a little while, it seemed that my worry was almost out of control.
My parents helped me through them, and as I got older I grew out of most of it. Life does, however, have a way of giving us plenty of practice when it comes to overcoming obstacles.
When Theodore was born, several events immediately after sent me through a horrific bout of Post-partum Anxiety and OCD. That story is another blog post waiting to happen, but to make a long story short it took months for me to heal and begin to feel like me again. But it was a bold reminder of the worry that riddled my mind as a child.
When Taylor started to get sick this last fall I felt that same feeling of overwhelming anxiety return, usually when I was sleep deprived after long nights and ER visits. But having overcome those experience before in the past, I pressed on, fighting the worry bugs that I could feel invading my brain in those moments of exhaustion.
There are several mechanism I have used and have found to work well for me. The first is to know that I am not alone, and that God is literally watching over me. The second is to Pray. Pray with all of my heart. The third is to quote and recite scripture over and over in my head. Scriptures that directly correlate to the experience. One scripture in particular has helped me many times over the years.
"For God hath not give us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7
This scripture in particular reminds me that the fear and anxiety I experience is not from God. And because of that I can trust that I don't have to experience it, and I give myself permission to cast it out. If it is not from Heavenly Father, than I do not need to allow it to hang around.
Another powerful mechanism is to be in the present, meaning the very moment of my existence. Worry is a complex thing. Most of the time it has to do with the future, and often an unknown future. That is what is so perplexing about it. We feel worry about things that at the moment haven't even happened, and may never become a reality. Worry is the experience of trying to carry the burden of the future along with the present. Why suffer twice? In an effort to ease the burden, live only in the seconds that you are experiencing, and not a minute later.
Lastly is FAITH. I remember that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, I can be healed. He carried the burden before me, so that I can rely on him. I'm not supposed to try to feel it and do it alone. In those darkest moments I remember that my mind is strong, and that with the Savior's help I can instead feel peace.
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